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Import Humor



Tired of those import racers thinking that their fancy technology is superior to old fashion American iron? Well, check out the following humor about those pesky imports.


IMPORT TERMINOLOGY
YOU MIGHT BE A RICE BOY IF ...


IMPORT TERMINOLOGY


All Motor
Definition: No nitrous, no blower, or turbo.
Sentence: That guy wanted to race our Camaro "all motor." We didn't know what that meant so we beat him with nitrous.

Crew
Definition: The guys that do stuff for the driver, anytime, anywhere.
Sentence: I sent some guys from the crew to return my videos.

DOHC
Definition: Dual Overhead Cam.
Sentence: I felt so sick, I had to see the DOHC.

Gran Turismo 2
Definition: A video game import guys love 'cause their street cars are slow.
Sentence: I spun my Acura playing GT2 and then spilled milk on the sofa.

Jug Kit
Definition: Big bore or stroker engine kits.
Sentence: I put the 2.0L jug kit in my Acura.

Liter
Definition: Measure of engine displacement.
Sentence: I took my 1.6L Honda to the store and bought 2.0 liters of Coke.

LSD
Definition: Limited-slip differential/transaxle (it's in front).
Sentence: I dropped my LSD before the race and couldn't qualify.

NOPI
Definition: Summit of import retail guys selling stuff.
Sentence: I picked up a plastic ground effects kit and a 2-foot wing at the NOPI show.

Pop-off or blow-off valve
Definition: The vent that vents excess turbo boost to the atmosphere.
Sentence: My blow-off valve is bigger than your blow-off valve.

SOHC
Definition: Single overhead cam.
Sentence: When I do laundry, I always manage to lose a SOHC.

Three-inch
Definition: The minimum size for exhaust tips.
Sentence: My 1-inch exhaust system feeds my big chrome muffler and 3-inch tip.

Torque
Definition: Never mind, imports don't have any.

VTEC
Definition: Variable timing and lift electronic control.
Sentence: Instead of changing cams, I smacked my VTEC with a hammer.




YOU MIGHT BE A RICE BOY IF ...

... you find yourself using the excuse 'yo, but you gots twice as many cylindas, dude after EVERY race
... you drive a 4 door 'type R'
... your gumby pants make it hard to shift
... more than 20 of your mods involve shielding what is actually underneath
... you have stickers that even most asians don't get
... you have stickers for parts you dont have
... you refer to 50hp as the 'big shot'
... your car has so much camber it can drive on its side
... when you drive by, WWII veterans run for shelter
... your exhaust tip diameter is 4 times the inner muffler diameter
... you have 'power by' anything anywhere on a car made by the engine manufacturer
... birds make nests on your spoiler because its taller than the trees
... you sell crack for the image...not the money
... you have 'N/T' polished on the side of car and you don't know what bracket racing is...
... you will only race if the other guy removes four sparkplugs
... you can't race uphills
... you have "All Motor" emblazoned on your rear hatch right next to your 14.50 dial in
... you brag to have nitrous and have a 14.50 dial in
... your exhaust system for your 1.8L is bigger than most Pro-stock cars
... you spent more money on stickers and stripes than your parents paid for your car
... you go to a performance shop and immediately start rummaging through the decal bin
... your tach is bigger than your head
... you have a shiftlight and your car is an automatic
... you refuse to race because it's a "show car"
... your only mods are cut factory springs and a 5" chrome exhaust tip
... at Autocross events you don't participate because you have a drag race setup and at drag events you brag about kicking ass on the autocross.
... you have more lights on the front of your car than the USS Voyager
... you brag about a turbo kit that never seems to get installed.
... your exhaust sounds like a dying Moose
... your bright green $300 air filter is bigger than your engine.








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